A few simple words – yet so few are able to heed them. Maybe that’s why the world is screwed up beyond belief. Few are willing to do the jobs they ask others to do, but they are willing to punish those who don’t do what they say – that’s the definition of a coward.
Always makes me wonder how many fewer soldiers we would have lost if a general or a president had decided to actually lead a battle instead of sitting in a command center, granted: it is equally possible that the reverse is true – more may have been lost as well.
However that’s not what my thoughts are centered on tonight. I’ve been thinking a lot about my own “leadership” ability. Recently I’ve been stepping into or “overstepping” boundaries that I never would have thought to before. I’ve also been forced into several situations, that are new to me.
Part of this, I would believe has to do with maturing, and my growing ability to take on more tasks than I would have previously thought possible.
I learned about “leadership” from two places, one my parents, who from the time when I was little, made sure that I was atleast being a good example for my little brother, one that he would “hopefully” try to emulate. To this day – my greatest failure has been this, but I will discuss that later on in this entry.
The other place was the Boy Scouts. Who instilled the “lead by example” and helped define my leadership abilities, and turn me into the man I am today. Above all the scouts told me that if I was unwilling to do a job that I asked another to do – then I wasn’t fit to lead because it meant I still valued myself above those I was leading, which is unacceptable.
So when I was slightly older, (say between the ages of 13 and 18) I saw in my Boy Scout troop, that nothing was being done – the people elected often were elected simply because they were “friends” with the most people, and then they would simply do nothing. To them it was fun to instead talk about things I felt boring while people eventually just got fed up and stopped coming
So I started to make small waves…
I ran for Patrol Leader, and won – it was close, but it was still a win, I helped my patrol to win several awards, and aided in turning our group from the one people laughed at to the one people came to ask for help.
Next I ran for Senior Patrol Leader (the person in charge of running the meetings and campouts, etc.) And lost – badly, of the four people running I was the only one to get fewer than five votes. But I was given an assistant role with the guy who won, and so I began to go out of my way to ensure than if there was a problem I could lend a hand.
I helped teach younger scouts knots, and first aid, pitch tents and make fires. I settled fights, and mediated problems, I also confronted older scouts who picked on younger ones (remember at this time I’m still only 13, about 5 foot 11 and 130 pounds getting in the face of guys who were 17 and 18 and who played Varsity football and out wayed me by close by 60 pounds at least.)
I was starting to get some “clout.” Both with those younger than me and those older scouts who had begun to begrudgingly give me nods and handshakes once in a while.
That summer I was given the responsibility to be in charge of the troop on a week long summer camp. And after acting like a 13 year old on the first day (whining that it was hard) – I began a new phase:
…Suck It Up
I learned real fast that when your “the leader” you don’t always have someone there to protect you. And even more importantly, just because you ask someone to do something (or tell them) doesn’t mean they are going to do it.
Over that week – I had to start doing the dirty jobs (cleaning toilets, KP duty, night patrol) and by the third day, after the scouts (both older and younger than myself) saw that I was willing to help with the jobs I assigned, they began to do them without questioning (most of the time.)
The end of the week came, and I was told by several older scouts and a few of the adults I had done a fine job.
While I was encouraged by this, it was of little consultation when I lost the next 5 elections. They were always closer, but it was always to someone “cooler” or more popular. So each time I would revert back to being the guy willing to get his hands dirty when other’s don’t.
I showed up to meeting early, got information from everybody, asked questions, listened to gripes, went to almost every campout over then next 3 years.
Then I tapped a resource that was always ignored: the “uncool kids.”
Granted I was by no way popular but I did have a nitch of friends, and had the ability that I could talk with anybody – even if I wasn’t in inner circles. But I began to encourage the kids people made fun of to come, to do stuff, to contribute. I made a special effort to include them (and actually found some pretty good friends in them.) I became a semi-leader of the “dorks.”
Then things began to change. Two SPL’s in particular didn’t seem to care about the troop, both boys from my patrol – both elected over myself. They were elected back to back, and the troop went from close to 60 members to at times single digits.
They had both been elected on high promises and the fact that they were both very popular with everyone (they had the laid back air the older scouts liked, and the “connections” the younger scouts wanted.)
So, when either of these guys slacked off, or just didn’t bother to show, I stepped in. Numerous times I had to lead meetings that I had little knowledge about, but it was that or everyone went home – which could have meant the end of the Troop.
After about 8 months of this, I talked to one of the guys - “Chuck” – and told him I didn’t think he was doing an adequate job and that I thought he needed to do more since he was in charge. His response was: “Shut the fuck up, fagot.” The last 4 months of his term were used to not only make my life hell, but to bolster someone to run against me so that again I would be kept from being elected.
One more person was elected, a young man who had a wide variety of issues (including several fights he’d gotten into with me) as well as some emotional problems. He also had a negative effect on the troop.
Then on the 7th time I ran for it, I was elected SPL. I then had six months to do what I thought would be best for the troop. Once again, I lead by example, and brought membership from 9 to 39 active scouts over the six months. There was also an abundance of merit badges earned, I led several interesting camping trips, and the troop won several important awards at a camporee involving several hundred scouts.
But now that I’ve brought you reasonably close to the present day, and bored you to tears with part of my life story – I can explain the reason for this post. As I said earlier I’ve been thinking a lot about my “leadership abilities.”
Since graduating high school – I’ve had a habit of sticking my oar in to “assist” with lots of projects, many of which I wasn’t asked, I just did it on my own – and here for the first time ever I will admit as to why: I hate seeing people do things wrong when I know I can do them better.
My freshman year in college – I joined a ton of organizations on campus, and then by the end of it I was down to seven (partly because I didn’t like some but others because I couldn’t stand how they were being run.) Of those seven I’ve been the president or chair of 5 since that time.
I have rarely preformed a “hostile” takeover, and I’ve always tried to work the system before doing anything: I would see severe holes in leadership – and first I would offer help to the person in charge, and if that was refused I’d step aside, and then run at the appropriate time (all the while making sure I was doing everything that a leader would do.) And in a few very rare occurrences pushed forward a vote of no confidence, or challenged that what the person was in charge was doing was not for the benefit of the group.
But, here’s the catch – the vast majority of times I’ve done this – has been a positive success. Membership rises, awards are won, meetings are more productive, or just in general people have more fun. Yes there have been a couple of situations where I didn’t improve the group – but I’ve also been willing to step down if I can’t accomplish what needs to be done.
Further more, when I’m elected, I surround myself with the best “lieutenants” for lack of a better word. Much like the president elect is assembling a “Super Cabinet” I would perform the same task – delegation became an important task – and I’d only be willing to delegate to those who I trusted would get the work done. I would ask others who had had a prominent role before to stay on as assistants, I would access all resources available – make sure that everyone had a part to play – and ensure that all felt useful.
That actually plays a lot into my feelings as well – I’m not the most trusting person in the world, especially when it comes to leading an organization that I invest in (whether it be time, money or talent) because I hate having my investments wasted – it really really pisses me off, so if I entrust someone with something – it’s because I believe they have the ability to do it – and (not to be tooting my own horn) rarely am I wrong. I am also willing to through my support behind those who I’ve put my trust in so that when they are asking for something, running for an office, I know they will do a good job.
However, I am willing to listen to whatever you have to say – whatever suggestion, criticism/critiques or complements you have. Everyone is equal in my eyes – no matter your situation, person, job etc. All members of an organization from the president to the member that comes once a year are equal in importance. Which is why I give equal time to those who want to grip, as well as to those who just want to chat: give a few positive suggestions, etc.
This ability comes from my empathy, for some reason – I’ve got it. I’ve got the ability to make anybody feel welcome, to become part of the team, and to do a fair share of work (granted there have been acceptations), punishment has not been a tool of mine, but instead a smile, pat on the back and an ear earn not only more cooperation and respect, but results in the job being finished much quicker.
Empathy helps me with another aspect of leadership – making hard decisions. Like I’ve said above I won’t ask someone to do something if I haven’t done it before, or if I’m not willing to do it myself – but I will ask you to do things you don’t want to do, aren’t glamorous, or downright suck. Why? Because someone always gets the crappy duty, will you ever get it an unfair amount of time with me? No…in fact I’ll select myself over anyone else to do the shit patrol but that doesn’t mean there won’t be times when I have to ask you to do something that sucks.
Where does empathy come into this? Well it enables me to reach people, so that those who would be more upset about doing something they don’t wanna do. If you believe that the person who is assigning you this lousy job is doing it not because he doesn’t like you – but instead because he’s trying to make everything run smoothly and achieve a common goal quickest you are much more likely to do your part.
The only time’s I’ve ever “grabbed the rains of leadership” ties everything together. If you ask me to do something – you’d better have done it before, or be willing to do it with me. As I said at the beginning a leader who delegates but doesn’t lead by example is a coward. If I see you putting yourself first over the group – or the general membership, I get pretty pissed off.
Spock said it best when he said “The needs of the many out way the needs of the few or the one.” People are elected to be in charge, but not to be dictators – hence why they are elected.
These instances are when I’ve most displayed leadership (to give a tacky example, during games of capture the flag, paintball, etc. I was usually the first one out because I’d be sent into traps, etc. I finally got sick of it – so I would lead my own teams, and often again was the first one out but this time it was because I went with the team, and I’d take fire so that an objective could be achieved, I wouldn’t sacrifice my own team mates so I would be safe.
A good leader also knows when to give his team a rest, let them goof around, blow off some steam, or just chill. I always hated the guys who “brandished their whips” and didn’t allow breaks till the job was done. If a job/assignment/anything is taking longer than it should, I will be the first to offer anybody 5 minutes, 10 minutes etc. To just chill out, and take a break – because you can’t get anything done if your so worked up about how far you are behind, or how long it’s been since you could pee.
My final point is one of the most important ones – I do not seek to lead because I seek power. Leadership and power do not mix. If you want to lead because you want to make people bend to your will, then you have no business being anywhere near these people. When I was younger I believed that I should be in charge because I knew better and because I could make people do what I wanted, now I know that was wrong (consequently: it was during this time that I couldn’t win an election for bunny king if I wanted too!)
Now I know, that it’s not about can you instill fear, use an iron fist, or bend the membership to your will; it’s about can you lead and get those to follow, can you cause belief in a issue, can you find a solution to a problem – and not destroy the rights of those around you?
After this final point I must also make the point that I am not perfect – even though I strive to be. I have a giant hole when it comes to leading by example, and that comes into play in the most important aspect of leadership – being a role model for my brother.
For 4 years I put my feelings, thoughts, wishes, etc before his because I had a girlfriend, who as you all know – wasn’t worth what I went through – but whom I put not only my family through hell but my little brother as well. I without a doubt made him feel as though he was worthless to me, because that’s how I acted, I displayed no leadership ability at all, I simply wanted to do what made ME happy and I didn’t “care” about him. Pretty shitty huh?
This has been my single greatest failing – you only get one chance to do this and I screwed up, pretty badly. Now for 4 years of shit it will take me many times that to solve the issues and mistakes I had. But I will fix them, this I assure.
So – there you have it, I lead by example and I lead effectively. These leadership skills have been instilled in me when I was a child, and honed when I was a teen: as an good leader I’m always adapting and always willing to do my part – and even step aside if someone is a better person – which, for the record I have done.
I’m willing to get my hands dirty to do the job I ask you to do. I’m not afraid of making the hard decision and then backing it up, but I’m also not afraid of taking on the shit shift, and giving everybody a break. The point is, when I say I lead by example – I do. And while I gladly except criticism, and will even be open to being called names, yelled at, etc – I do ask that you listen to me when you’ve finished your rant, as I explain why I’ve done what I’ve done. And if I find out I’ve been treating someone unfairly, I rectify it…immediately.
Have I stepped on toes? Pissed people off? Made Enemies? You bet, not nearly as many as I’ve befriended, helped or encouraged, but yes there are always those who want to keep power and never let go. Something I always make clear – I’m not in it for the power, I’m in it for the betterment of the group, and when my term is over – I’ll gladly hand over the rains so that others can have a chance to show what they’ve got!
So…Lead By Example. Or get behind someone who will!
For The record: These are the organizations I’ve been Chair or President of in the past 4 years:
Organization Position Term
Alpha Delta Omega Service Org. President Fall 2005 – Fall 2010
Eagle Scouts of USC President Fall 2005 – Fall 2008
Gamecock Gamer Association Chair Fall 2005 – Fall 2006
He-Men of Catholicism Chair Fall 2007 – Fall 2010
Black Delta (Paintball Assault Team) Commander Fall 2006 – Fall 2010
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