How Pathetic Can I Get

How crappy is it when a person would rather live in a fantasy world than in his own life? Isn't that kind of what this blog is meant to be showing others? That I am leaving the fantasy behind and moving on to a better more realistic life?

But that's kind of how life is right now. I actually wish I could live in the world that is portrayed in the movie Avatar! Not becuase I think it looks cool and like the most awesome place in the world (it does, but that's not the point).

I actually think it's kind of the perfect metaphor for me. I want everything the main character (Jake Sully) gets, a family, a home, and identity. He also gets a smoking hot chick.

But he gets more than that, what he gets is to prove to others that he cares more about them than he does himself, and to be honest beside the fact that I wish I wasn't single, I want people to know that I can pull my own and not let people down.

Is that the same as caring what people think about me? No, because if that was the only thing I was concerned with I would have to reside permently in the fantasy world...becuase well I'm not the most liked person in the history of this planet.

I've seen that move twice in 3 days - and to be honest, i'd probobly see it again if somebody wanted to go see it, and I was free - not just becuase the story is fantastic and the graphics are beyond amazing, but because the 2.5 hours that I am in that theater, I can escape my own reality, and live in theres (I hope that the rumors about there being a sequel are true and I really hope that there is a book in the near future).

The move just gives me the release that I look for, the beauty of everything about it - and how I want that.

But Yes I do wish I could live in that world, I wish my problems could be solved with a bow and arrow, and by talking to a tree of wisdom (of sorts) but they can't. I have no way of knowing what is in store for me, but I know this I do want to expereince the adventure that it will bring, it should be interesting!

While I know I can't live there, can't know what that feeling is like - what I want most is to have someone to spend life with, a few years ago I thought I had found that (I was quite, (quite) wrong More wrong than I could possible believe)

But I was happy, now it's been nearly 2 years, and for a long time I was fine with being single, with being alone, with not haveing that special someone - but you know what, each holiday that passes (and each New Year) makes it harder and harder to deal with being alone, and frankly I really really don't like it.

Now - you see why I wish I lived in that world? Because everytime I escape to it, everything is easier, calmer (even with the giant monsters and psychotic soldiers all around) than here. But hey, i've always loved a challenge so - what do I say I give it another shot, maybe I can find that special someone this time, you never know do you.

So maybe i'm not as pathetic as I thought I was (maybe I just ramble alot). Lets wait and see what the future brings!

And so the new year begins

And so it begins, 2010. The year that we all have been waiting for. Why? Because this is the year dreams will be made realities.

Bunch of crap you say? Ha I say, I shall prove you wrong.

For better or worse, college will be over in 5 months and 7 days! Wahoo. And then it's the real world, where I will be able to help make a difference in peoples lives (yes I do believe this will happen).

I will turn 23 3 days after graduation, and while I know i'm getting older, I now also know that I will not have to worry about getting old - you are after all only as old as you feel, and as of 12:01AM today I feel like a million bucks - why? Because it's a fresh slate, and I will prove this year to be better than last.

So yes this is short, but I am tired, and this post will be to say I have 6 goals for this year - resolutions you may call them!

1. Graduate with a BSN from the University of South Carolina / and Pass the NCLEX Exam.
2. Drop 20lbs of fat / Gain 20lbs of Muscle (My weight for the new year is 201lbs, and I want to be in better shape).
3. Get a Job in a Hospital (where well that will be discovered in the months to come)
4. Do more to help others and show compassion.
5. Curse a little less and pray a little more.
6. Become a better Son, Brother and Friend - and this time, I mean it, I will become one.

And with that I bid you all a Happy New Year! Let the troubles of the old wash away, and meet this new year with much cheer for it is a new adventure and each turn will bring many suprise. God Bless all, and Happy New Year!