How Pathetic Can I Get

How crappy is it when a person would rather live in a fantasy world than in his own life? Isn't that kind of what this blog is meant to be showing others? That I am leaving the fantasy behind and moving on to a better more realistic life?

But that's kind of how life is right now. I actually wish I could live in the world that is portrayed in the movie Avatar! Not becuase I think it looks cool and like the most awesome place in the world (it does, but that's not the point).

I actually think it's kind of the perfect metaphor for me. I want everything the main character (Jake Sully) gets, a family, a home, and identity. He also gets a smoking hot chick.

But he gets more than that, what he gets is to prove to others that he cares more about them than he does himself, and to be honest beside the fact that I wish I wasn't single, I want people to know that I can pull my own and not let people down.

Is that the same as caring what people think about me? No, because if that was the only thing I was concerned with I would have to reside permently in the fantasy world...becuase well I'm not the most liked person in the history of this planet.

I've seen that move twice in 3 days - and to be honest, i'd probobly see it again if somebody wanted to go see it, and I was free - not just becuase the story is fantastic and the graphics are beyond amazing, but because the 2.5 hours that I am in that theater, I can escape my own reality, and live in theres (I hope that the rumors about there being a sequel are true and I really hope that there is a book in the near future).

The move just gives me the release that I look for, the beauty of everything about it - and how I want that.

But Yes I do wish I could live in that world, I wish my problems could be solved with a bow and arrow, and by talking to a tree of wisdom (of sorts) but they can't. I have no way of knowing what is in store for me, but I know this I do want to expereince the adventure that it will bring, it should be interesting!

While I know I can't live there, can't know what that feeling is like - what I want most is to have someone to spend life with, a few years ago I thought I had found that (I was quite, (quite) wrong More wrong than I could possible believe)

But I was happy, now it's been nearly 2 years, and for a long time I was fine with being single, with being alone, with not haveing that special someone - but you know what, each holiday that passes (and each New Year) makes it harder and harder to deal with being alone, and frankly I really really don't like it.

Now - you see why I wish I lived in that world? Because everytime I escape to it, everything is easier, calmer (even with the giant monsters and psychotic soldiers all around) than here. But hey, i've always loved a challenge so - what do I say I give it another shot, maybe I can find that special someone this time, you never know do you.

So maybe i'm not as pathetic as I thought I was (maybe I just ramble alot). Lets wait and see what the future brings!