I have AIDs...shit nevermind I just don't wanna date you!

Wouldn't you love to hear this?? I mean it does take some thinking, to truly come up with something that horrifyingly insensitive that you would say something like that to not go out with someone.

I not only know someone this happened to - I got to experience it first hand. It's much worse in person than reading it.

So sit back and enjoy your next few minutes because all those excuses you used in high school are about to be beaten as I describe the 6 rejections of 2008 (all of which happened to me!). Please feel free to laugh in controllable - because....I can't make these up!

Maybe I can even offer advise to the poor people who will have these excuses used on them in the future - because some horrible person desided they were a good idea!

Rejection #6. If I wanted to be dating a looser I'd still be dating my ex.

Ok, this is the least "bad" one I got (it happened in August '08). The girl was someone whom I'd known for a little while, I didn't want anything special, I just thought she'd be someone fun to hang out with, grab a bite to eat with. So after class one day I had asked her if she wanted to grab lunch, she responded with the above.

It still is pretty nasty comparing someone to an ex who the girl considers a looser. I mean it's just as easy to say "No, I don't have any interest in dating you." It gets your message across in that cold heartless way that your trying for without being the absolute bitch queen that describes the poor guy who asked you out as a looser.

For the poor guy who hears this...well it's gunna suck, but know this - she isn't even worth the "looser" that was her ex (and chances are he dumped her ass anyway.) Also, there will always be better girls to choose from anyway (if she's got a body like Jenna Jameson, she might have a personality like a slug - and there's always someone who's got just as hot a body, and a better persona!)

The Kicker: The guy she started dating about a week after I asked her to lunch is currently doing 5-10 for robbing a ladies house, but she says he was framed (with the ladies credit cards no less) and that she "loves him." Made me happy that I was not attached to that one.

Onward..and well, downward.

Rejection #5. If I wanted to date someone that ugly I'd date my cousin

Now I know I live in South Carolina, where this is techniquelly leagle...but come on, i'm a midwesterner girl, not some hillbilly hick. This girl I will admit was hot - really hot, which was a problem, because that's all I was interested in when I asked her to coffee, but i figured hey, you never know - maybe if she's pretty on the outside she's pretty on the inside...WRONG (atleast for this chick.)

I had just been playing a game of ultimate (she had been on the apposing team, and actually had flirted with me a bit.) And so I asked her after I picked up my bookbag, and she screamed loud enough that her friends in the commen area could hear (a hundred yards away) that phrase in red above.

Now ladies...it's uncalled for, it really is - if the poor sap isn't a brad pitt or george cloony, well i'm sorry - but there are only 2 of those guys, and you never know what a guy looks like underneath everything - personally I clean up very well in a suit or tux, but you'll never get a chance to see it, if you base EVERYTHING off a first impression. So stop and think - and if you can, let the guy down alittle easier, say "your not my type" and then if they ask you what your type is you can say "Tall Dark and Moody."

Guys - once again, these chicks arn't worth the breath it took to ask them out. But if you did get unlucky enough to get a responce like this, don't worry the reason she's looking for somebody "perfect" on the outside is because she's ugly and rotten on the inside (well, most of the time anyway.) And yes, there are beautiful gorgous sexy women out there who have hearts of gold - when you find one, let me know: because I'm looking for one too!

The Kicker: The girl also let me know that her cousin was good in the bedroom...which throughly grossed me out, and gave me all the more reason to be happy I wasn't doing anything with this girl (it did take 15 showers before I felt clean again though...) I mean...really I didn't need to know.

Trust me folks, they only get worse.

Rejection #4. Your too nice to be a boyfriend, I want someone like you in 20 years.

Ok, admittly this could have been worse, but the context about it is priceless. So this is a girl i've been talking to since May, really sweet, great person. She's just made a couple of bad choices, throughout the past 7 months she told me about all the assholes she dated (some of them were really nasty.) And I talked to her for a couple hours the night she got dumped by one of them, and so one day (a while after this) I asked her to grab a bite to eat, she agreed. Then after 4 hours of joking, and talking etc. (and anoying the waite staf because we didn't order anything after the first hour) I asked if I could see her again. She smiled, giggled, and gave me the above as a responce.

Which to be honest...stug because I couldn't figure out what the hell you would want to date an asshole for (which she described as her type) when there are some good guys out there - granted not a whole lot of them. But no she was adament that I was "too nice" and that there was no "danger" around me.

So ladies...if the "bad boys" are really what your into, please, please don't even bother leading us on, because honestly good guys don't like bad boys - usually we got swirlied by them in high school (or stuffed in their lockers.) But if you must tell us, let us down gently - once again, say were not your type, and most importantly, don't tell us that you'll be looking for us in 20 years because - some of us, will, will wait those 20 years for you: much to our own detrament.

Guys...these girls are just no-no's they will lead to nothing, and I mean this, nothing but trouble. But if you are so enamoured by these ladies, and you get the sting of being told that in a few years they will want a nice sweet guy like you - know this, you do not - I repeat - DO NOT have to wait for them, there as so many better women out there, who are ready now for nice guys (and no they are not all 38 year old women looking to have babies.)

The Kicker: This one actually is horrible, because the recent guy this poor girl dated dumped her because his old room mate came back into town and needed a wingman - which was followed the next day up with her getting a call from the new girls phone saying to let him be "him"(thankfully she dumped his ass.)

Pittiful? Yes; Depressing? Yes; Do they get worse...Yes.

Rejection #3. I'm a Lesbian, seriously I just had gay sex with that girl.

I'm going to let this one sink in for a second.

Ok? You got it? Good. Ok now he's the context: This was said right after this girl and I got out of CLASS. A 3 hour class to be exact, with no breaks - so there was no time for a 4 minute quickie. This was a fellow nursing student, for whom I'd known for a while - and who once again was really hot (but this time I had known something about her personality before asking her to a movie). She laughed at my jokes, liked chatting with me, etc, etc. Ya know, wonderful girl.

Well - I was perfectly willing to believe what she said - she was always hanging out with this one girl, and if I'd been paying attention I could have perhaps seen the connection. So about a week later I see a guy in a motorcycle drop off the "girlfriend" for class, and then they preced to make out (totally normal for a lesbian right?) Well me being me, I asked her and her answer was "Eww no, i'm not gay - I like (explective for male anatomy part.)

So now i'm really confused, but just chalk it up to that, and later that day I call the girl i'd asked out (we were doing a group project together) and a guy picks up the phone and says "you better make this fast, were in the middle of f***ing." The next day she came up to me and appoligised and said that that was her "sorta-boyfriend" and no she wasn't a lesbian, she just didn't wanna date me.

Got all that? Does it totally blow your mind, cause it gave me a headache. But the important thing is this - girls Don't tell guys your a lesbian if your not, because they will want to sleep with you even more (especially if they think you'll do a threesome!) Even if they don't wanna date you anymore. Man (or I should say Girl Up) and say "Sorry - I don't wanna date you."

Guys....it's not worth it. And for the record real lesbians, Don't Want to sleep with you - you have a penis, and they have no interest in that. But if your unlucky enough to get a fake "i'm a lesbian" story - just brush it off, these girls are head cases in and of themselves, and should be steared clear of, and there are straight normal girls who will go on dates (and they will be just as hot.)

The Kicker: Girl got dumped about a month ago, and ended up making out / sleeping with a chick from one of her classes, and now claims to be "bi" and thinks threesomes are the best way to have sex (more reason for me to be glad i'm away from that crazy.)

Ok...now were about to get to thte good ones...dum-da-da-dum:

Rejection #2. I'm HIV positive...shit nevermind I just really don't wanna date you.

No...your reading that right, your computer hasn't malfunctioned.

The tital was close to an actual rejection...and this one sucked.

This girl (who I met at CHURCH!), I asked out after my last exam, kind of as a celebration, I asked if she wanted to grab a drink down in 5-points (USC's college bar scene). She responded with "I'm HIV positive."

Me being myself, and not missing a beat (and also being brutily honest) responded with "That's ok, I don't care." This caused her to turn bright red, and mutter "Shit...nevermind I didn't think you'd still wanna do anything, I just really don't wanna date you." No appoligie besides that and she walked off.

I just started laughing, alot. It was really really funny. Because it took alot of guts to come up with that excuse, alot. But it also showed a complete lack of sensitivity for alot of stuff. Because, I know I'm male, but i'm not trying to get in ever girl's pants I talk to - I mean even I'm not that horny. But still...damn it takes alot of balls to say that with a straight face.

So ladies - don't use this as an excuse. Not ever guy wants to screw you (and even if they did, No does mean no, and most guys will respect that.) It's probobly the most insensitive thing you can say, and says alot more about your personallity (and sex life) than you will ever want a guy to know - also, honestly it makes you look slutty.

Guys...don't even spend a second thought on this girl...if she really gives you this excuse respond the the following "That's great, i'm not looking for a long term relationship." Because this is just a ball whacking excuse. EXCEPTION If you learn that a girl really does have HIV or any other STD do not say that comment, and if you are comfortable dating a woman that has one, good - because one mistake doesn't make you a whore.

The Kicker: Really, I don't have one - but I saw her two days later, and waved to her, she turned bright red, and hid her head and didn't wave back, so maybe, just maybe she'll lean to be straight up with a guy next time.

Ok, you've almost made it - and yes I saved the best for last; this is the one that truely truely sucked the most: Becuase it involved a diamond ring...you ready? Because here we go!

Rejection #1. My Mom says we shouldn't be dating...and I like this guy in my class.

This one came on Valentine's Day 08, it came after dating for 4 years, Christmas's, Birthdays, Valentines Day's (one break up) and a million hours spent together. Yup you all guessed it: this lovely girl was ******.

This one actually started the week before valentine's day when she told me she wanted a ring as her valentine's day/annaversy gift (and yes it was a ring that would mean "i'm yours forever.) So I abliged, found a great one (very very pricy but hey, I had money to burn, and no brains in my head.) So I buy it (actually show it to her mother before I give it to her.) and then spend an hour in the car driving on valentine's day for dinner and to give her her gifts, and actually earlier that week she had asked me to spend valentine's night with her (i'll let you draw your own conclusions.)

So I get up to her dorm, take her to dinner, and show her the ring. She loves it, puts it on (the left hand ring finger no less.) And then informs me she can't accept it.

I'm stumped...I have no idea why. So I ask, and she responds with "I'm in college now, My mom doesn't think we should date anymore."

Ya I know, I should have just been like, ok see ya later babe, were done. But oh no, not me, after all I loved this girl and she "loved" me too. So I pressed on and wanted to know what she meant, so I got a long discussion about how she didn't wanna be tied down, etc etc, all being tied back to her mom, and finally after aboutl half an hour, I finally got the truth. She liked a guy in one of her classes.

WOW...was that so hard to say? Apparently yes. So she asked me to hold on to the ring for her, because she might still want it. She did want to know how much I'd spent on it for her, because that was "so important" and not to take it back, because (and she emphasized it alot) she still wanted to marry me but she wanted to be able to date around (and presumably sleep around too.)

So, I said sure, I agreed, I drove her back to her door (did NOT spend the night) and drove home, the next day I talked to her on the phone, same deal. Couple weeks later, the last day I could take the ring back, I called her, talked for an hour on the phone and asked what we were. She said "Nothing, we were nothing." So with tears, and a heavy heart I returned the ring. It truely sucked, but it was the right thing to do.

So ladies - don't screw with a guys heart, because as macho as he might be, when guys give their hearts to girls, they usually give the entire thing; not just alittle piece they don't mind loosing. Also, be straight with a guy - if you don't wanna marry, have kids, grow old with him, tell him, it will save you both alot of greef and pain. And above all, don't ask for something HUGE like a ring that you don't plan on keeping.

Guys...I feel your pain, I really really do - and it truely does suck. So here's my advice for you Remember the pain, remember how much it sucks, how much it hurts, and how much you never want to feel like that again. Now also, remember the good times you had, with any girl, put them together, and use those too things when your looking for your next girl, because when you look for the good, and remember the pain, you choose alot wiser, and alot better girls.

But never never be afraid of the pain, because your gunna get hurt, it's inevitable - but some girls are worth it.

The Kicker: Well, about 2 months later I got a call from her, asking if I wanted to have sex (just for the hell of it, and becuase she wanted to know what it was like.) I hung up, she called back the next day saying she still wanted to be friends, and that she still wanted to marry me (and she still wanted to have sex, because she thought I was hot.) I told her I was done, and that I didn't fucking care, also I didn't want to be her friend. I haven't talked to her since, and it's felt good.


So there you have it in 2008 I've been Rejected 6 times - average of once every two months, not bad (better than High School when it was every week.) But it's taught me that none of these girls are truely what i'm looking for, I've just got to find that girl who's perfect - for me, even if she isn't perfect herself.

So guys...don't stop loving, don't stop looking, don't stop trying because there are people out there, good people. And as a great friend of mine said recently: There is no One soul mate, but there is somebody for you!